This blog called Life

Jan. 20, 2012


the night called for chocolate. i anwered the call at Aroma Cafe in studio city. intermingling textbook reading with blogwriting with brainstorming with missing my sweet friend Nina Ferguson... for whom I dashed into Aroma in September 2011 to bring a piece of cake with me from California to Virginia. Mourning is the process of grieving, my textbooks say. Tonight, mourning tastes like chocolate with a side serving of tears burning in the back of my eyes...

This was my Facebook status just a bit ago. It’s Friday night. I’m 40. Life is full of blessings: God. Family. Friends. Grad School. Health. Silver Sparkly Boots. And More. Currently, I’m sipping on ice water and savoring a wedge of decadent dark chocolate and peanut butter cake at my favorite local cafe.

Mixed in with the blessings and the grieving my friend’s passing process, I find myself vacillating between the acknowledgement of my blessings and the awareness of my burdens. There is a burden in my heart for knowing God’s will for my life beyond seminary. There’s a blessing in knowing He has always provided and He always will. There’s a burden in my emotional center for the soul mate I’ve not met. There’s a blessing in my spirit from knowing I could never be the woman I am and am becoming if I’d met him before this point in my life. This list of blessing/burden contrast could continue, but just now, I’ll let it lie quietly in the space I’ve given it in my heart.

... and I’ll wrap up the remains of my dessert gift to myself, refill my water cup, collect my computer bits and bobs and head home. And as I wrestle the covers tonight, mixing mind meanderings with sleep’s serenade, I’ll rest in the arms of the Lover of my Soul...